Long time, no see...

I'm having one of those my-voice-sounds-really-weird-on-camera moments.

Attitude Adjustment

Frankly, this afternoon hasn't been the greatest. I had to take a friend of mine to the store to pick up some things she needed before this evening, but the only time we could go was right before I had Wind Ensemble rehearsal. We hurried through the store as quickly as we could, but we got stuck in line at the only check-out lane that was open. We pulled back onto campus two minutes before my class started, and since I didn't have time to park by the dorm and still make it to band in a reasonable amount of time, I parked in the parking lot by the music building, got my instrument from my locker, and practically sprinted to class. I was late anyway. They were already practicing, and the director got after me because I hadn't left a copy of my music for the other girl playing first horn, so she couldn't play our part until I got there. The rest of rehearsal went relatively smoothly, but when I went back to my car, I had a University-issued parking ticket. Apparently my parking sticker isn't good for the lot by the music building. So I paid the ticket, came back to my room, and opened the window to get some fresh air. Suddenly I was hit by the overwhelming smell of soy from the soy plant in town. I sank into my chair and groaned.

Then I remembered when I was little, if I got in a bad mood over something, my dad would come up to me and say, "Do you need an attitude adjustment?" Me, in my grumpy, little-kid way, would always say no, but he would always give me one anyway either by tickling me or spinning me around in the air or doing something else to make me laugh until I wasn't mad anymore.

Sitting at my desk today, grumbling about being late, the ticket, and the soy smell, I realized I needed an attitude adjustment. Where any of the things that were bothering me really such a bad thing? Yes, I was late to band, but no one was really upset with me, and I couldn't tell my friend I couldn't drive her to the store. Yes, I got a parking ticket, but it wasn't too expensive, and at least I have a car. Yes, my roomed smelled like soy, but at least it was warm enough to have the window open. Now, I'm still not thrilled with the events of this afternoon, but I'm not upset anymore. I remembered I have a lot to be thankful for, and I have no right to complain when my wonderful, middle class, college life goes wrong. I just need to smile and give myself an attitude adjustment.

I Think Mother Nature is a Little Confused

Not much description needed for this one. Sorry it's quiet. The dorm is eerily silent today, so I felt awkward talking to myself. Enjoy! Comment! Follow! 

Balloon Intervention

Yesterday the newest issue of my college's literary magazine came out, and who's short story was on page two? This girl's! However, I realized that the draft of the story that made it into the magazine wasn't my final, revised copy that I had turned into my creative writing class. So I thought you platypus readers might like to see the finished piece. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think in the comments! And if you like it, follow me, because there will be more short stories to come!

Balloon Intervention

“We need to talk.”

            I dreaded those words more than a llama dreads a haircut. It was never a good sign when the wife walked into the room with her arms crossed over her chest. And those words always meant I had done something wrong that the wife thought needed an intervention. Like when I brought home a stray dog I found for the boy, and it buried the wife’s best shoes in the flower garden. Or the time I decided to take up origami and left paper cranes in every inch of the house. Or that time I heard Classical music was good for the mind, so I blared it all hours of the day and night trying to cure my writer’s block. No, those words were never a good sign.

            “Howard,” the wife said, sitting down across the table from where I was putting the finishing touches on a balloon giraffe.

            “Yes, Honey?” I asked innocently. It was always good to butter the wife up before these kinds of talks.

            “Howard, we need to talk about these balloon animals of yours. They’re getting out of hand.”

            For the past three weeks or so, I had been perfecting my skill at making balloon animals. I had writer’s block again, so I was trying to get into the mind of my main character. The character just happened to be a friendly clown that gets kidnapped by aliens somewhere around page 42.

“But, Sweetie,” I replied, forcing a smile that I’m sure looked more like a bad case of indigestion, “It’s for my character. I’m trying to understand Bucky better by learning his craft.” I put my hand on top of the wife’s, but she pulled hers away and placed them in her lap.

“Then tell Bucky he can have all these balloons. Howard, this is worse than the paper crane incident! There are balloon animals everywhere! I can’t even take a shower without a stupid balloon poodle watching me from the back of the toilet! Sammy could get lost in this mess!”

“Oh, the boy loves all the animals! Haven’t you seen him playing with them?”

That was the wrong thing to say. The wife glared. “What have I told you about calling him, ‘the boy?’ Our son has a name. And in case you hadn’t noticed, Sammy hasn’t been playing with the balloon animals; he has been devising numerous ways to destroy them. I believe his next plan involves a blueprint for a spaceship and a map to Mars. He definitely got his creativity from you.”

Now I really did smile. “Yes, but he got his good looks from you.”

The wife sighed and smiled, rolling her eyes. “You always know what to say to get your way, don’t you?” I just winked, and she laughed. “Fine,” she said, getting up from the table, “But I expect these balloons gone by morning.”

“Of course, Beautiful,” I answered, “How far along is the boy in building that spaceship?” 

"Apparently Mayonnaise is a Superpower!"

Last night, for the second time in my life, I saw two of the funniest people in the world perform live: Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood from "Whose Line is it Anyway?" IT WAS SO FUNNY!!! I'm seriously not lying when I say that my face and abs still hurt from laughing so hard. The whole show was incredible. A few highlights (that really didn't make much more sense in context than they do in this list):

1. Colin (in a French accent): "Oh no! It is my first time sticking my head in a tiger's mouth and I broke the tiger's jaw!"
2. Brad: "Here. Go to this website: Men-who-want-to-be-babies-named-Bob.com!"
3. Colin: "The answer is 'starfish.' What is the question?"
    Brad: "Uh...what kind of fish is the most likely to go into rehab?"
4. Colin: "So you're going to burp, yodel, make a sound like a monkey in heat, a singing cat, and then a canary?"
5. Brad: "E.T stands for Elk Terrestrial?"

And those were just some of the spoken lines from the show! There was also rapping, singing, "seductive" walking, and throwing/hitting each other/stepping on mousetraps (poor Colin got hit in the head with one, and it left a mark!). I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life, except maybe for the first time I saw them. They're still touring around, so if you've never gotten the chance to see them, you should definitely check out their website and see if they'll be near you! Trust me, you will have the time of your life!

http://www.colinandbradshow.com/

Who's Blog is it Anyway?

Comedy Sportz: http://www.comedysportz.com/

My Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/elizabethanne010/videos

I am a beautiful palm tree: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDGfL8mdqSs

"Um, Clancy? I don't think our dragon's doing yoga anymore."

Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again. I've wished that a lot more since I've been babysitting two brothers, ages 10 and 11. They have some of the wildest ideas and say some of the funniest things. For example...

1. "I'll just put the CD back in the hamburger."
2. "Hi ho, Ninja!"
3. "We got a blister of snow."
4. "You're hot...like the temperature."
5. "Yeah, well I'm not on a boat...I'm Zeus!!!"

Most of these make slightly more sense in context, but I think it will be more fun to leave it up to you imagination. But perhaps my favorite quote from Chapin, the 10 year old, happened today when I took them to meet their mom for lunch. We were all sitting at the table eating, and somehow we got on the topic of college and how I'm majoring in English writing. Finally Chapin burst out, "Hey, Beth! Once you get your literature license, you should write a book about stuff that Clancy and I both like! He likes dragons and mythical stuff, and I like tractors! But don't make it a kids' book; make it a chapter book!" As I sat there in shock for a moment, working through both the phrase "literature license" and a story about dragons and tractors, I saw their mom out of the corner of my eye, holding back a smile as best she could while sipping her Pepsi. I nearly lost it right then and there. Eventually their mom explained, "Well, sometimes writers are like artists. They have to be inspired." But honestly, I'm not so sure Chapin's idea was all that bad. I mean, they made a movie about cowboys and aliens, right? Who says I can't write Farmers and Dragons?